Men Are Idiots
by hopewings6
Summary: Since the beginning of time, men have been idiots.


**Okay I know I'm the worst. I said weeks ago that I would start posting and I haven't. Not going to lie my schedule has been wonky and just blah. Hopefully I can post more not everyday maybe who knows. I'm hopeful. I still have my one shots coming this is one of them. **

**The others are: New Years Redo-joshaya**

**The origin of Lucas Friar left shoe or not today cha chi- that's rucas sort of but more others**

**Zay and the table of ladies. I may change titled not sure.**

**Now in this one shot it's a long one and there are quite a few quotes from BMW and gmw mainly BMW. Let's see if you can find them all. There are a totaled of maybe ten I can't remember. **

**Okay in this one shot things are going to be a little weird not weird weird just the way I'm writing it. The guys telling their story will be in italics and there will be breaks in the story where Cory or someone will interrupt. Does this make sense? Hopefully it does. Some references are from bmw and my favorite character from there.**

**Men Are Idiots**

**Riley and Lucas are married with five year old twin boy and girl and another on the way and Maya and Josh are newlyweds and have been married four months**

The guys sat on towels on the couch in the Matthews apartment covered in smoothies and pastries as Cory fresh from a shower paced in front of them muttering under his breath and drying himself off with a towel.

The boys all huddled together shivering as Cory had opened every window letting the cold air in. Trying to freeze them to talk. Lucas smacked Zay's hand when he swipes some of the strawberry smoothie off his face and eats it as Lucas grimaced.

This was bad very very bad and they all knew it.

"So which of you gentlemen would care to explain why the girls just threw cake and smoothies at me? Hmm?" He asked sitting on the coffee table looking at them with a twitch in his left eye.

The guys share a look and nobody says anything as he looks between them. "Okay." Cory says patting his legs and standing up. "You leave me no choice but to call in the lawyer." He opens the front door slowly as the guys all turn with wide eyes.

"Topanga!"

"Afternoon gentleman." Topanga sets her briefcase down as she sits on the table and crosses her legs looking at the guys. Everyone avoided her eye except Zay who she stared down. "It's Josh and Lucas fault!" He shouts standing up as they glare at him while Farkle laughs.

"Okay. Now how did this all start?" Topanga asks as Zay sits back down. Lucas rubs his neck and looks at Josh before he speaks.

**3 weeks ago the Riley and Lucas part**

_Riley groaned as she tried to concentrate on the papers she was grading as the little one kicked inside and at her legs. "Mommy can you come play pirates with penny and me please?" Her oldest Joey pleads. She rubs her stomach putting her pen down looking at her son._

_"In a minute sweetheart mommy just needs to finish grading these papers okay?" She smiles as he gives her a look that reminds her of her husband. She shakes her head rubbing her stomach looking at the time. "Mommy!" Penny and Joey shout together as she sighs getting up._

_She walks towards the backyard seeing it covered in ribbons and tissue paper from her gift wrapping box. She looks at the time knowing Lucas wasn't going to be home for another three hours and she was hoping they would still make date night._

_It would be their first time out alone since she announced she was pregnant. Which was seven months ago. They did try to spend an evening out together but either Lucas would forget or the twins would want to join._

_"Okay little pirates what is this?" She asked as they giggle behind the cardboard boat Lucas made them. "It's our sea mama." Penny shouts as she pops up wearing Lucas shirt tied with a ribbon. Riley shakes her head as she holds her belly sighing. "Okay little one go easy on me when you get here."_

_"Mommy come play!" Penny and Joey shout together. Riley smiles as she grabs an eye patch and her captain hat from the box of their toys moving towards her twins. "Prepare to walk the plank matey!" She shouts in her pirate voice raising her sword waddling slowly towards them._

_Riley chased them well waddled after them around the backyard until they somehow ended up going inside. She frowns when she sees the mess they were leaving in their wake but knew she wouldn't be able to clean until they were finally asleep._

_Riley slowly backed away from the twins bedroom as she waited to see if they would wake. Their playtime went into overtime when she overtook their pirate boat and made them walk the plank._

_So after feeding and bathing them and four books later they were finally in their beds hopefully asleep._

_She smiled when she heard the soft snoring of Joey who only snores when he was completely out. She looked at the time going around picking up the remains of the dead pirates which were really their dolls with tissue paper eye patches._

_She quickly changed into a simple black dress and her flats brushing out her hair as she hears the front door open. She smiles walking towards him as she leans in the doorway watching him shrug off his jacket._

_"Hey handsome how was work?" She asked as he looked at her. "Exhausting but I loved it." He chuckles walking towards her and pulling her close to kiss her. "Hey" He whispers as she smiles. "Hi." She giggles as he kisses her again saying hi once again. _

_She hears her phone ring in the other room knowing it was probably Auggie calling to tell her he was on the way. She walks towards their room grabbing her phone saying hello as she walked back towards Lucas. _

_"So still need me to come over right?" He asked as Riley frowned at the sight in front of her. She watched as Lucas held his bag of chips in his mouth and turned on the tv before biting into the sandwich by his chair. "No i got to go Auggie thanks anyways."_

_She hangs up as she looks at Lucas who turns her way looking at her weirdly. "What?" He asked as she sighed shaking her head knowing he forgot about their date night and with the game on he wasn't going to remember._

_Lucas woke the next morning to the smell of blueberry pancakes and coffee. He smiled as he walked into the kitchen seeing his twins smiling singing along with Riley as she cut up their pancakes for them. "Morning my little trolls!" He roared as they threw their hands in the air._

_"Morning ogre daddy!" They roared back as he tickled them. He turned to Riley who hands him his coffee and plate without looking at him as she continued cleaning. "So daddy did you bring us back the foil swan?" Penny asked as Lucas looked at her with a confused expression on his face._

_"Foil swan?" He asked looking towards Riley who was still ignoring him. "Yeah uncle Auggie said you were taking mommy to a place with foil swans. But we couldn't go cause it was for grownups." Joey tells him as Penny nods her head._

_Lucas widened his eyes looking over at Riley and then the calendar seeing the date. Crap. He thought getting up and walking towards her. "Um Riley can I talk with you a second?" He asked rubbing his neck as she sighs smiling at the twins before walking towards their room._

_"I'm so sorry Riley I completely forgot." He says the moment he closes their door and sees her with her arms crossed. "Again." She says speaking for the first time that morning as Lucas looked at her. "This is the fifth time I rescheduled this date for us Lucas and yet again you forget."_

_"I'm sorry Riley things at work got crazy and I thought you were going to call me and remind me like you said you were?" He says as she narrows her eyes at him. "I shouldn't have to remind you Lucas. You could have done it for yourself. I went to work and came home to the twins and I still remembered."_

_He knew he was going to regret the words that came out of his mouth next but couldn't stop them. "Well my job is a lot more tougher than yours. I can't just color all day." He looked at Riley who shook her head opening their door not uttering a word as she cleans up the kids._

_"Riley I didn't..." he starts to say when she smiles grabbing the twins coats. "Say bye to daddy." The twins say bye as Lucas tries stopping Riley from walking out the door. "Where you going?" He asked as she grabbed her keys. "To go color." She says slamming the door behind her._

* * *

You said what to my daughter?!" Cory shouted standing up at the same time Lucas stands jumping behind the couch putting distance between him and his father in law. "Dad it was in the heat of the moment I didn't mean it!" He says as Cory shakes his head.

"Oh no not today cha chi. It's Mr. Matthews to you." He says pointing his finger at him ready to murder him when Topanga pulls him back down. "Continue Lucas."

* * *

_Lucas set the flowers on the table fixing them so they sat in the center when Riley walked in the house. It had been a couple of days since his argument with Riley and she was still not speaking to him. "Hi." He says as she looks at the flowers and then him._

_"Evening." She says making her way towards the kitchen as he follows her. "Riley are we going to talk about it?" He asked as she looked around. "Where are the twins?" She asked as Lucas says with her mom. "Lucas you told me you were going to watch them when you got off work."_

_"Well I was running late and forgot so your mom offered to get them." He says as Riley shakes her head at him. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. I can manage to get things done and come home to them." He sighed as he leaned against the wall looking at her. "I know but a surgery ran long and I have responsibilities at work too Riley."_

_"Yes and you have them here too. Or did you forget?" She asked folding her arms across her chest. "I didn't forget I just couldn't leave." He tells her as she looks at him before grabbing her bag. "Where are you going?" He asked as she says to get her kids slamming the door._

_"Dude what is wrong with you?" Zay asked as Lucas tosses his cards on the table. It was their annual poker night something they held twice a month. "Riley and I are fighting or should I say still." He says as the guys look at him. "What did you do?" Farkle asked as Josh and Zay look at him._

_Lucas gives him a look before telling them what was happening with them. "Man I told you guys humping like rabbits would lead to problems. Just do what I did with Vanessa..."_

* * *

Topanga what was the sentence for two counts of murder?" Cory asked glaring at Zay and Lucas who moved slowly away from him and his murderer looking eyes. "Cory we've been through this before and I already told you if you tell me what you plan to do I can't represent you in court."

* * *

_"What did you do?" Josh asked as he shuffled the cards handing them out again. "Well she was on my case saying how I didn't appreciate her or little Stephanie so to get her off my back I told her she was right and to show my appreciation i sent her on a spa trip for the weekend and Stephanie spent the weekend with my parents."_

_"You could have spent time with your daughter instead you know that right?" Farkle tells him as Zay waves him off. "I know but I needed the sleep too man. Stephanie is a wild child. V hasn't bothered me about it since though." Josh looks at Lucas who was lost in thought. "What cha thinking about there Friar?"_

_"I'm thinking Zay is on to something." He says as Farkle hits him in the head. "Please tell me you're joking?" He asked hoping he was in fact joking. "No. I can't stand the fight I'm in with Riley. It's not fun and it's stressing me out." He tells them as Farkle shakes his head. "Josh talk some sense into him that's your niece he's talking about."_

_"No I agree with Lucas. Since they've been fighting Maya has me taking care of an egg wondering if I'm gonna be a good parent." He says as they look at him. __What?" Zay ask laughing along with Lucas. "Well she thinks I would be forgetful like Friar so she makes me carry around an egg."_

_"An egg? Really?" Zay asked tossing his chips onto the pile they had made. "Yes. She inspects it every day to see if it's cracked or dirty. I can't take it anymore."_

* * *

Joshua Gabriel Matthews what did you do?" Topanga asked standing up with her hands on her hips. "Nothing bad." He says as Farkle scoffs making them look at him. "Oh boy." Cory says as he gestures for Josh to tell his story.

* * *

**The Maya and Josh part**

_Josh smiled as patted the spot next to him hoping to find his wife but instead finds a pillow. He opens up his eyes looking around calling out her name when the smoke detector goes off causing him to jump out of bed and head for the kitchen._

_He chuckled slightly at the sight in front of him as he watched Maya try to stop the smoke detector muttering under her breath as she did it. "Gorgeous what are you doing?" He laughed making his way over opening windows as he went._

_"I was trying to surprise you with breakfast in bed but the stupid toaster started smoking and well.." she said gesturing at the room. Josh chuckled moving closer wrapping his arms around her waist. "Yeah I think that's both our faults."_

_"How?" She asked turning in his arms and looking at him. "Well technically it's more yours since you wanted to christen every room when we moved in." He tells her kissing her neck. "Oh is that so?" She moaned as he lifted her onto the counter taking off her shirt._

* * *

Okay gross yuck and every single word to describe it! Maya is my sister in law and you're my little brother so I'd prefer not to hear about...yuck!" Cory shouts grimacing as he covers his ears as does Lucas and Farkle.

"I want to hear." Zay says scooting closer to Josh as Farkle and Lucas hit him. "Ow!" He yells rubbing his arms. "Josh continue and keep it pg please." Topanga tells him as he nods continuing his story.

* * *

_"Well besides almost burning down the house I have to say your cooking lessons has been paying off." Josh tells Maya kissing her shoulder as she gasps. "I haven't had cooking lesson." She says as he gives her a look folding his arms across his chest._

_"Okay fine." She says stomping her foot. "I was embracing my inner girl and wanted to fulfill my wifely duties." Josh shook his head as he dusted his hands pulling her into his lap. "Gorgeous I don't care if you can cook, I much rather spend that time doing something else.."_

* * *

Joshua Gabriel! PG!" Topanga scolds him as he scratches the back of his neck. "Sorry. Where was I?"

* * *

_"So my little ferret what do you want to do today?" Josh asked as they cuddled on the couch. She was about to respond when there was a knock on their front door. "Ignore it and maybe they'll leave." Josh whispers kissing her neck. _

_"Boing." Maya moaned as the knocking continued. "Peaches? Uncle Josh you there?" Josh groaned as Maya shook her head smiling getting up and opening the front door. "Riles what's wrong?" She asked when the twins ran in and jumped on Josh._

_"Lucas and I had a fight." She whispers as Maya looks at Josh who nods his head. "Okay little Friar let's go dig in your aunt Maya's snack drawer." Maya smiled as they shouted yay as she turned back to Riley._

_"Let's take a walk." Riley nods linking her arm with hers as they walk out the front door with no destination in mind. "So what did you and huckleberry fight about?" Maya asked as she noticed Riley staring at her feet as they walked. _

_"If I tell you you have to promise to be calm." Maya narrowed her eyes at her as Riley did the same making Maya laugh. "Okay fine. I'll remain calm. For now." Riley shook her head as she tells Maya what went on with them._

_"Okay. I'm gonna kill him." Maya announces pushing up her sleeves and walking back the way they came. "Peaches you promised." Riley tells her grabbing her arm and pushing back the other way. "Besides you can't kill him I still love the knucklehead."_

_Maya sighed as she looked at her scrunching her face. "Fine. But I'm going to call him every nickname I can think of. Mean and funny. I'm not going to take it easy on him anymore." She says as Riley begins to laugh. "Maya I don't think you have ever took it easy on him. But I'll allow it."_

_"So everything okay with Riley?" Josh asked as they got ready for bed. "Yeah ranger Roy just forgot that Riles is the best and he should cherish her." Josh chuckled as he laid down pulling Maya to him. "I'm sure if he forgets again you will be right there to keep him in check."_

_"Boing you would never forget to cherish me would you? Or our kids?" She asked chewing at her lip. "Sure Maya go to sleep." Josh yawned as he kissed her head turning over. Maya sighed as she looked at him tapping her fingers nervously against the blanket._

_Maya chewed her thumbnail as she glanced at her phone and then at the little stick on the sink. She was so unbelievably nervous she could hardly eat anything which didn't help when she felt sick and ended up dry heaving. _

_The timer on her phone goes off causing her to jump as she takes a deep breath and looks at the stick. She gasped feeling tears spring to her eyes as she let out a little squeal of joy. She grabbed her phone about to call Josh when she hears him come in the front door._

_"Boing I have great news!" She says wiping her eyes as she opens the door. "Me too. I got those ticket for us to visit the museums in Spain like you wanted!" He hugs her as Maya lightly laughs about to interrupt when he continues. "Oh and I was talking with Lucas and man I'm glad I'm not in his shoes."_

_Maya laughed along with him as he went on about them not having kids which was a good thing. "So what was your good news?" He asked turning to her. "Oh I sold one of my paintings." Josh smiled walking up and hugging her. "Gorgeous that's amazing. Wait why don't you seem excited about it?"_

_"I am. I'm just overwhelmed by the sale you know." Josh nods saying he was going out to get champagne so they could celebrate._

* * *

Ow! Cory I'm telling mom!" Josh shouted as Cory hits him upside the head again for Topanga. "Serves you right treating Maya like that." Topanga says as Josh looks at her with wide eyes. "You know?" He asked as Topanga nodded her head.

"So you know everything that happened?" He asked as Topanga folded her arms across her chest narrowing her eyes at him. "No what did you do?" She asked as Josh scratched his neck nervously.

* * *

_"Well doctor Montez?" Maya asked as she sat in her doctor office with Riley holding her hand. "Congratulations Mrs. Matthews your pregnant." She said as Riley hugged Maya shouting yay. "Are you sure? I mean I took a test that was positive then another which was negative."_

_"Oh I'm very sure Mrs. Matthews about this. It looks like you're about four weeks." Doctor Montez says looking over her file. "Four weeks?! Are you sure? I haven't had morning sickness I just thought it was my cold." Maya asked as Riley shook her head along with the doctor. _

_"It's pretty common since you mentioned you were getting over being sick." Maya nodded as tears filled her eyes. "So want to see your little one?" Doctor Montez asked as Maya smiled._

_Maya stared at the little sonogram in her hand as she placed the chicken she had prepared in the oven. Tonight. She thought with a nod of her head. She was going to tell Josh that she was pregnant. _

_She had just lit the last candle when she gets a call. "Hey Riles!" She laughs shaking her head at Riley screaming hello soon to be mommy. _

_"So have you told him yet?" She asked as Maya shakes her head no even though she couldn't see her. "I'm going to tell him tonight. How's everything in Friar land? Ranger Rick treating you like the queen you are?"_

_"No. He's still pretending he hasn't done anything wrong. I feel like I should just say something and end this fight." Riley tells her as Maya gasps. "Riley Friar you will do no such thing! Huckleberry will apologize or suffer the consequences."_

_"Your right. I just don't like this. I don't want to be in a fight with him. I just wish he would understand where I'm coming from. You know?" Maya sighed as she looked at her phone and the sonogram picture. "I know honey. He'll come to his senses and know you're the best thing in his world besides the little ones."_

_"Thanks Aunt peaches good luck with your dinner and big news!" Maya laughs as she says goodbye finishing everything up. She had just finished setting the table when Josh comes in through the door and not alone. "Hey gorgeous." Josh says as Maya frowns at him and his special guest._

_"What is soaring eagle doing here?" She asked pointing her finger in Lucas face as he shakes his head. "Soaring Eagle? Really Maya?" Lucas asked as she glares at him. "Oh trust me Bucky I'm just getting started." She says rolling up her sleeves as Josh picks her up standing between her and Lucas._

_"Come on ferret cut him some slack Riley is already on his case. He needs a break." Maya looked at Josh with wide eyes as he goes to the fridge grabbing a beer for himself and Lucas. She shook her head not believing what she was seeing as they both begin to dig in the food she had prepared._

_She sighs walking towards the kitchen when Josh stops her. "Oh hey gorgeous can you turn on the lights I feel like I'm on a date with the cowboy here." She flicks on the switch shaking her head as she hears Josh and Lucas laughing._

* * *

Wow. Your a moron!" Cory says laughing as Topanga slaps his arm. "Cory that is not helping this little situation. So I'm assuming after your dinner date with Lucas Maya gave you the egg?" She asked looking at Josh who elbows Zay who was laughing.

"Yeah the next morning at breakfast she gave me the egg and this whole speech about how she wanted to see if I would be a good parent and not forget my child." Josh says as Topanga narrows her eyes at him. "I'm assuming you did something equally dumb as Lucas here?" Lucas frowned at her but lowered his gaze when Topanga glares at him. "Well I might have laughed at her and accidentally broke the egg. She sighed and shook her head ignoring me for a couple of days."

Topanga folded her arms across her chest as she looked at the guys. The lawyer in her was telling her there was way more to the story than they were letting on. "Okay what happened then? I know she couldn't have been upset just for that?"

Josh looked at the guys before pulling something out his pocket. He hands it to Topanga who shows Cory. "It's rubber." Cory says tapping it on the table. "Why is it rubbery?" Topanga asked as the guys look at Zay and Farkle. "Farkle time sir?" He asked raising his hand as Cory nods his head.

**Farkle Time**

_"You know I could help you with your egg problem." Zay says shuffling the cards once again. "What do you mean?" He asked as he put the egg back in his pocket. "Well I happen to have a guy who can make you an exact replica of that egg so it never cracks and will always look like a real egg."_

_"Whose this guy?" Lucas asked skeptically as Zay nods his head towards Farkle. "Doctor turtleneck you can do that?" Josh asked as Farkle shakes his head no only to nod when Zay nudges him._

_"Yes but don't make me." He tells him as the guys share a look._

* * *

Good for you Farkle. You didn't give in to peer pressure." Cory smiles patting him on the back as Farkle squeaks. "Farkle?..."

* * *

_"Come on farkle help a friend out. Please." Josh pleads as Farkle sighs. "Guys Maya is one of my ex wives I can't do that." He says as they groan. "Farkle you don't understand my gorgeous wife has gone from planning our next adventure to talking about diapers and changing her art room into a nursery."_

_Farkle sighed as he looked at Josh wondering if he could actually do it. "Sorry Josh I just can't do it." He groans banging his head against the table as Zay pats his shoulder chuckling. "I got this Josh." He turns to Farkle with a mischievous smile on his face scaring Farkle a little._

_"Come on Minkus, don't think of this as betraying your ex wife think of this as an experiment. One that could take you places. Far places." Zay says gesturing with his hand as Farkle eyes lit up in excitement._

_"Okay I'll do it!"_

* * *

Oh Farkle." Cory says shaking his head at the boy genius "I'm sorry they spoke to the evil genius in me. Im weak sir." He says as Cory looks at Topanga.

"Well Topanga..." She looks at him and then at the four boys covered in food. "I'm assuming your little plan didn't work with the girls? Seeing as your covered in all that?" She gestures with a wave of her hand.

"Actually it did work." Lucas says rubbing at his neck. "I told Riley she was right and I was an idiot and sent her on a little girl trip with Maya while I sent the twins to my parents for the week paying them in cookies to keep quiet about it." Lucas mumbles the last part as Cory's eye begins to twitch.

"Josh what did you do?" Cory asked through gritted teeth holding his eye. "I pretended to care for the egg sending daily pictures of us that I took all in one day and would send her during the week."

Josh covered his head thinking Cory was going to hit him but lowers it when he sees Cory and Topanga just staring at them. "So what happened that your little "plan" didn't work?" Topanga asked as the guys looked over at Farkle who squeaks covering his mouth.

"Did I mention I'm weak sir?"

**I'm weak sir **

_Farkle sat in his office staring at the prototype egg he made for Josh. He shook his head picking it up as he headed for the kitchen. He couldn't believe he had gone against his ex wife and helped Josh dupe her. Although making a replica of something and nobody being none the wiser about it spoke volumes to his evil genius side._

_He tossed it up in the air as he opened the kitchen door shrieking and dropping it as he sees the women in there._

_"Ladies." He said clearing his throat as he looks at them. "Hey Farkle. Better get the mop to clean up that broken egg." Maya laughs as he widens his eyes. "Right right just got to..." He looks on the ground for it when he sees Smackle pick it up looking at it. "Dearest what is this?" She asked handing it to Riley who hands it to Maya who shows Vanessa._

_Farkle gulps as the ladies share a look and then all turn to him with confused expression on their faces. "It wasn't my idea!" He yells out._

**The fallout **

_The guys laughed as they walked into the bakery at something Zay had said. They didn't know it but they were about to be in a world of pain once their wives arrived. The women had told them to meet them at the bakery with the promises of baked goods and smoothies. Thanking them in a way._

_"So where are the girls I'm starving?" Zay asked looking around as Farkle tapped his foot nervously. "I don't know maybe they aren't coming let's go. Starbucks has this new drink and I'm buying." He says standing up as the bell above the door sounds._

_The girls smile sweetly at them as Farkle gulps. "He..hey ladies." He nervously chuckles as they sit down next to their perspective partner. "See Minkus they showed up." Zay says leaning back on his chair resting his arm behind Vanessa._

_"Dearest you thought we would not show?" Smackle asked smiling at him as he cleared his throat shaking his head. "No! I mean I thought maybe you forgot." He says as Zay begins to laugh. "Just like Luke." Lucas looked at Zay kicking him before turning to Riley who was at the counter with Maya holding her stomach._

_"Shut up dude." He said as the girls walk towards them with trays of food. "Not that I'm not grateful but what's up with the desserts?" Josh asked as Maya placed his favorite smoothie in front of him. "No reason really uncle Josh. I thought I would thank Lucas here for the week off and the ladies thought it was a nice gesture and wanted to join. Right ladies?"_

_The ladies agreed as Farkle sipped his smoothie knowing what was coming. "So Boing how's the little egg? I kind of miss your selfies with him." Maya laughs as Josh chokes on his smoothie. "He's fine. Sleeping at the moment." He tells her as Maya leans her head on her hands nodding her head._

_"Aww. Can I see him?" She asked as Josh looked at the guys before turning back to her. "Gorgeous he's sleeping we shouldn't disturb him." She nods still smiling at him as he looked at her weirdly. "Aw. Let me see." Maya asked again as Josh cleared his throat._

_"Gorgeous come on he's sleeping right now." He says hoping to get her to stop asking about the egg. "But you have him right? Don't want you to be forgetful like Huckleberry over here." Maya says gesturing at Lucas who tosses his hands in the air._

_"Seriously?" He says punching Zay who was laughing him. "Oh that reminds me." Riley says looking at him with a serious look on her face. "I was thinking of getting the twins some sweets since they were so good for you." Riley says looking at Lucas who smiles at her agreeing._

_"What do you think I should get them? Maybe their favorite or are they sick of that since you've been getting them that all week?" She asked as Zay gasped with wide eyes looking at a clueless Lucas. "Yeah that sounds...wait what?" He says looking at the guys before looking back at her._

_"So Boing can I see him?" Maya asked again as Josh sighed trying to change the subject. "He's sleeping Maya let him sleep okay?" He says as she continues smiling at him. "Of course wouldn't want to wake our rubber baby. Now would we?!" She asked glaring at him as Josh begins to stutter._

_"So when...Farkle I can't believe you ratted us out!" Josh and Lucas both shout trying to turn divert the attention from themselves. "Hey I warned you guys!" Farkle shouts back as the guys look at their wives. "So were you ever going to tell me that the egg was rubber? You know you can't replace our kids with rubber ones?" Maya says as Josh sighs. "Yeah but we don't have kids so it doesn't matter right? Right?" He ask looking at Maya who looks down at her stomach_

_"Just great." Josh says tossing his hands in the air right before the cake hits him in the face._

* * *

"So that's when Maya hit you in the face and the food fight erupted?" Topanga asked as the guys look at Lucas. "Actually it was Riley who hit him in the face not Maya." He says as Cory and Topanga share a look.

"Makes sense." Cory mutters confusing the guys who look at each other. "What I don't understand is if the girls knew of your part in the scheme why did you get hit Farkle?" Cory asked as he smiled. "Smackle wanted to partake in the juvenile adolescent behavior as she so lovingly put it."

They all chuckle as Cory looks at Topanga who was staring at the men in front of her. "What cha thinking Topanga?" Cory ask as she stares at Lucas and Josh. "That men are idiots." They stare at her weirdly as she shakes her head walking towards the intercom.

"You can come up now." She says buzzing them in as the guys look at her. "Topanga who can come up?" Cory ask standing up next to her as they hear scratches followed by a knock everyone knew. "Oh no." Josh groans as he covers his face as Cory opened the door.

"I believe I was summoned."

"Eric?! You called Eric?!" Cory asked as Topanga ushered him in talking in hushed tones. "Topanga!" Cory whispers yells as she continues talking to Eric. "Topanga!" Cory shouts as she turns glaring at him as he sits down humming softly to himself as the guys laugh.

"Well I'm heading out now." Topanga says grabbing her briefcase as the guys stare at her with confused expressions on their faces. "Le..leaving? Your leaving? Topanga you're supposed to have the answer to what their punishment should be." Cory says gesturing at the guys who gulp.

Topanga looks at the guys smiling wickedly before looking at Cory. "Trust me honey they'll be punished. Let's go have lunch." Cory gasped as she opened the door walking out as he stood there confused. "Let's go Cory." He opens his mouth about to say something but begins to laugh as he closes the door.

"Hold up." Zay stands looking at the door and then at the others. "That's it? We can leave?" He smiles as Josh shakes his head. "No our day is about to get even weirder." He says as Zay looks at him weirdly but sits back down.

"So Eric is giving us our punishment?" Lucas ask as the guys shrug. "Where is Eric?" Farkle ask as they all stand looking around. "I'm right here." Eric says smiling as the guys scream. "Not cool dude." Zay pants holding his chest trying to calm his heart.

The guys sit as Eric takes his place in front of them much like Cory and Topanga were. "So Topanga called you huh?" Lucas asked chuckling softly as Eric folded his arms across his chest. "Indeed scarecrow indeed."

"Why though? How could you possibly help us with the girls if Topanga wouldn't?" Lucas asked as they all nodded in agreement. "Well because unlike pangers I hold the secret." He says as they look at him and begin to laugh. "No offense Eric but how can you hold a secret? For my eighth birthday you told me what mom and dad got me before I opened it and also ruined the surprise party." Josh tells him as he chuckles.

"Oh baby bro I know and I can so keep a secret but this is more a theory I've had for a while now." He whispers leaning forward before standing. "As you know pangers let me listen in on your interrogation and I have one thing to say." He begins to pace with his hands behind his back as the guys stare at him.

"Men are idiots." He states as he sits back down smiling at the guys. "What?" Zay ask scratching at his head. "Oh wait I have more." Eric says clearing his throat. "Men are big idiots." He smiles as the guys all understand. "Baby Minkus, flat butt you two are just idiots." Eric says as the guys laugh at the old nickname for Zay.

"Flat butt. I forgot about that one." Lucas laughs as Eric begins to laugh creepily with him. "You and Josh are the biggest idiots." He states as Zay and Farkle laugh. "Um why?" Josh ask as Eric scoots closer to them.

"Well scarecrow your a big idiot for not cherishing the ground my little niche walks on. From what I know she is super teacher by day and super mom-wife at night am I right? Never complaining except recently?" He ask arching his eyebrow as Lucas rubs his neck nodding his head.

He looks over at Josh who stares at him in the same way. They have a staring contest before Eric smacks josh on the forehead. "Ow! What the hell Eric?!" He yells rubbing it. "Life's tough get a helmet. So moesha is pregnant. You think she did that herself? You don't think moesha is is scared right now at the thought of her husband not being happy? Hmm?"

"Who is moesha?" Zay ask holding up his hand as Eric looks at him weirdly. "The little blonde one." He tells him as Zay chuckles. "You mean Maya?" Eric nods making him laugh as he says yeah Mariah.

"So I have only one thing to say to you two. Stop being idiots and apologize to your wives or I'll get Topanga to really punish you." Josh and Lucas shake their heads with wide terrify eyes as Eric smiles. "Well I'm off. Heed my warning gentlemen." He bows and then runs out the door making them all shake their heads.

**Since the beginning of time, men have been idiots.**

Maya and Riley share a smile as they both sit at individual tables in the bakery. Both of their husbands had requested they meet them even renting out the entire bakery. Although reluctant to do so the girls agreed. So here they sat waiting to see what they were going to say.

"What do you think they're going to say?" Maya ask after five minutes of silence between them. "Not sure." Riley shrugs looking at the door before slowly walking towards Maya's table. "You think they'll grovel like Zay and Farkle?" Maya laughed remembering the day before.

After their talk with the Matthews, Farkle and Zay apologize for their parts in the fight they were having. Zay even apologize to Vanessa who wasn't all that upset after she revealed that sometimes when she leaves for her book club she really goes to the movies. Apparently both Zay and her needed breaks from their little one who is growing more rambunctious everyday.

The girls giggle as the bell above the door goes off. "Hello mommy and auntie Maya." Penny and Joey say together making the girls smile as they walk through the door holding flowers. "Bad daddy and bad uncle joshie will be in shortly to beg." They say together handing them the flower as someone outside the door whispers that's not what you are supposed to say.

Riley and Maya laugh as Josh and Lucas enter in suits with Eric right behind them. "Uncle Eric!" Riley shouts standing up as she hugs him. "How's my little niche?" He ask rubbing her stomach before turning to Maya. "Hello Melinda."

"Plays with squirrels." She laughs as she stands to hug him too. "So this is why you brought us down here? To see Eric?" Maya ask folding her arms across her chest as she lifts her eyebrow looking at Josh and Lucas.

"Actually no. I'm hear because since the beginning of time men have been idiots." Eric says gesturing at the guys to speak. "If it's alright I would like to speak to Riley first." Josh says holding out his arm for her to take.

Riley looks at Maya who smiles softly nodding her head as Riley agrees walking outside with Josh. He helps her sit down on a chair as he looks at her. Chuckling softly as he sees her turn her head avoiding his gaze.

"Riley..." Josh starts to say as Riley continues looking away from him. He sighs looking in the window at Maya laughing at something the twins were telling her as Eric talked to Lucas. "I know why you're mad at me Riley and I'm sorry that I agreed with Lucas and helped him trick you." He says sitting down next to her as she glances at him.

"I'm not mad for that uncle Josh."She says softly as he looks at her. "Your not?" He ask scratching at his neck. "Why are you mad at me then?" He ask as she sighs turning to him and punching his arm. "I'm mad at myself for letting you guys get so caught up in mine and Lucas fight that Maya couldn't properly tell you she was pregnant."

"What?! Maya's pregnant?!" Josh asked as Riley looks at him weirdly before seeing him smile at her. "Riley you know that wasn't your fault. I blame myself for getting involved and not seeing that my little ferret was trying to tell me something. Something huge."

"Your reaction wasn't good either you know. Who says oh great?" She mimicked his voice making him laugh. "True. I have some serious groveling to do don't I?" He asked as Riley giggled softly nodding. "Yes you do and if she tells you again maybe faint like Lucas did with the twins." Riley laughed as Josh helped her up.

"Thanks niece. So you and the cowboy going to be okay?" Riley smiled as she hugged him. "Yeah I'm taking Maya's advice." She says with a wink as she walks back in making Josh feel sorry for Lucas.

**The Lucas and Riley apology **

Riley wiped the smile from her face as she walked towards Lucas who was already looking at her the moment she walked in. "Hi." He said softly as she stood in front of him. "Hello." She said looking over at Maya. "Uncle Josh wants to chat peaches. Good luck."

Maya nodded as she smiled at her before heading outside.

"So I should just get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness until they bleed right?" Lucas asked helping Riley to the table as she smiles at the twins who were making smoothies with Eric.

"If you did that you wouldn't be able to play pretend horse with the kids." They both chuckled softly as Riley clears her throat looking away. "I also wouldn't be able to take you out on dates." He adds as she frowns. "That's okay you don't remember them anyway."

Lucas sighed taking her hands from across the table holding them tightly so she could let go. "I haven't been a very good husband have I?" He asked as Riley gasped looking at him. "Lucas you're the best husband I could ever ask for." He gives her a look as he looks at their hands.

"No I haven't. I can barely remember our date nights, I take for granted that not only are you a mom but a teacher too and have to deal with kids twenty four seven." He says letting her hands go and leans back in his chair. "You should just divorce me and find a new husband."

"I would but he would take to long to break in." Riley laughs as Lucas looks at her weirdly. "I'm being serious Riley. I'm terrible." Lucas winces pulling his hand back as he sees Riley glaring at him. "Lucas Friar you truly are an idiot."

He frowns as she gets out moving to sit on his lap. "I don't need a new husband and I wouldn't want one anyway. What I want is for you to remember things that are important. And I only got upset about you forgetting because soon we won't have time for any dates."

He looks at her with a confused expression as she gestures towards her stomach. "In a few short months we're going to be outnumbered and we need to be a team. Together. What i want is to know that you'll remember you have a wife and family at home and that even if I don't ask you'll bring me cake." She puts her hands on his cheeks making him chuckle as he puts his on top of hers. "Your right. And I'm truly and won't ever stop saying it but I am sorry. Forgive me?" He gives her his puppy dog face making her smile.

"I forgive you you punk." Riley giggles as Lucas pouts before kissing her. "But you were wrong about one thing." Riley tilts her head as he calls for their twins. "Here you go mommy." They say together handing her a black book. "What's this?" She ask opening it up seeing different post it notes with dates on them.

"That is our date book." Lucas tells her as she looks at him. "I took the liberty of filling up one for you." She laughs as she closes it smiling softly at it. "But I always remember them. You need this more than me." She jokes as Lucas pulls out his phone.

"Already on top of that. I have placed a similar book in every place I go. Work, home, my surgery room. The car. Everyone's house. Plus Maya agreed that if I forget I would let her follow me around and ha hurr me for a month straight."

Riley looked at him with wide eyes as he nods chuckling. "Wow. Are you serious? I thought you hated when she does that? Especially when she did it during your graduation." Riley asked as Lucas groaned at the memory.

"A thousand percent." He smiles just as his phone beeps. "Perfect timing." He chuckles as Riley looks at him weirdly. "Perfect timing for what?" She asked as he claps his hands. "Impromptu family date nights." He smiles softly opening the book he gave her showing her the last page with random family date times.

"Oh shoot." Riley snaps moving to sit across from him as Eric and the twins bring out sandwiches for them. "What?! Is it the baby?" Lucas asked getting worried. "No." Riley pouts as he looks at her weirdly. "I was supposed to make you grovel and remind you that I'm the best thing to ever happen to you."

Lucas shakes his head as he takes her hand and kisses it. "Maya's advice?" Riley smiles nodding her head. "That's okay I'll just have to remind my new husband." She jokes winking at him as he laughs feeding her a piece of cake.

**The Josh and Maya apology **

Josh scratched his head as he watches Riley tell Maya he was outside to talk to her. He knew they needed to talk about a lot of things. Starting with his reaction to them having a baby.

He thought of a million and one things to tell her and apologize for since their crazy interrogation but looking at her as she walks out the bakery every single one of them fly out his brain.

He gestured for Maya to take a seat waiting until she sat to sit down himself. He watched her as she much like Riley and looked away from him and at her fingers. He scratched his head a little harder before sighing opening his mouth to say something but stopping.

"Just tell me the truth." Maya asked turning her head to look at him after ten minutes of silence. "The truth?" Josh gulped as Maya sighed turning to face him. "Yes the truth Josh. Is that how you really feel about me being pregnant? Because of it is I have no problem...what are you doing?" Maya asked as Josh fell to the ground with his eyes closed.

"Huh. Riley said that would work." He mutters as Maya looks at him weirdly. "What would work? You falling on the floor and I would forgive you?" She asked folding her arms across her chest. "No. Not exactly." He says dusting himself off as he sits down again. "She said if you ever told me you were pregnant again maybe I should do like the cowboy and faint."

Maya frowned looking at him before scoffing and standing up. "I don't think anything you do or say will top your first reaction to me being pregnant Josh." She rants pacing back and forth as he watched her. He knew he was in deep trouble for the sheer fact she was calling him Josh and not Boing like she always has.

Even when they got married she said Boing and not Josh.

"You aren't even listening to me!" Maya shouts pulling him from his thoughts as he shakes his head looking at her. "I was. Honest." He says crossing his heart as Maya glares at him. "Josh I'm serious. Just..." She sighs sitting back down looking at her hands. "Just tell me now if I'm going to be raising our baby alone. I don't want you to think that you have to stay just because we're married." She adds as Josh furrows his eyebrows.

"Is that what you really think? That I'll leave you alone?" He asked taking her hands in his. "No..." Maya sniffs looking away. "Gorgeous.." Josh softly says turning her head back to him as he wipes at her eyes.

"If I tell you why I said what I said can you promise to listen to me and not judge me for it?" He asked as Maya looks at him weirdly. "O...kay I guess I can listen to what you have to say. As long as it's the truth Joshua Boing Matthews."

"Okay so here it is." He says sitting down only to stand back up then sit again. "Okay...here it goes." He mutters to himself as he takes a deep breath. "The reason I said well you know is because at the time yes I did feel that way...however." He adds when he sees Maya getting ready to get up.

"I only said it because I'm a selfish person." He sighs softly as Maya looks at him with a confused expression on her face. "Selfish? What are you talking about?" She asked as Josh groaned before looking at her. "The truth is I'm not ready to share you yet." He says quickly as Maya widens her eyes.

"What?" Maya ask as she takes his hand. "I know this is going to sound completely crazy and a little like the cowboy in there." He gestures with his head as Maya smiles.

"But I feel like we haven't had time to be a married couple you know. I mean yes we've been together for awhile I just feel like our time as newlyweds is going to be over before we actually enjoy it. We only had four months." He says closing his eyes and lowering his head to the ground.

He waits to see what Maya will say but is taken by surprise when he hears her start to laugh. "Aw you poor baby. Jealous of a baby that's not even here." She coos putting her arms around his neck as Josh glares at her. "I'm not jealous I'm just...okay I'm jealous alright." He sighs throwing his hands in the air as Maya laughs again.

"Boing what could you possibly be jealous about? Our little one is part of you too you know?" She says as Josh pulls her onto his lap. "I'm jealous because we're newlyweds and this is the time we're supposed to be wanting to spend every second in each other's arms not preparing for a baby. I just thought we would have more time."

Maya looks at him before pinching his arm. "Ow! What was that for?!" He glares at her as he rubs his arm. "Because you should know it takes two to make a baby and if you remember since we've been married and even before that we've been in each other's arms acting like newlyweds."

Josh smiles nodding his head as Maya shakes hers. "Okay but now we're going to have to cancel our trip." He says as Maya looks at him weirdly. "Why would we cancel? The only thing that will happen is me not drinking." She laughed as Josh shakes his head.

"Nothing will change between us Boing. If anything will be us with an added bonus. Just as long as you remember us." She tells him with a pointed stare making him chuckle. "I promise. As long as we don't turn into Riley and the cowboy all baby crazy." He chuckles as Maya looks in the window.

"Yeah but Boing." Maya says looking at him as he looks at her. "Maya." He says as she smiles looking back in the window. "I want what they have." Josh looks in the window seeing Lucas sitting next to Riley with his hand on her belly as they laugh at something the twins are telling them.

"Me too." He tells her putting his hand on her stomach as she puts hers on top of his. "Just not all at once." He jokes as they both begin to laugh.

**As you can see I didn't want to make the rucas fight something outrageous. I wanted them to have a fight that affects their friends too just not to much because well they were bound to get involved in it. The fight they have is based off my sister who always forgets things and insist I remind her or its my fault. **


End file.
